Ruth Westheimer obit

Pioneering sex expert Dr. Ruth Westheimer dies at 96

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Internationally acclaimed sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer, who tore down taboos with her open, nonjudgmental and good-humored public conversations about human intimacy, has died. She was 96 years old.

According to her longtime publicist Pierre Lehu, Westheimer died peacefully on Friday at her home in New York City. The cause of death was not publicly shared.

Westheimer became a household name in the early 1980s when she was in her 50s, for her frank approach to discussing sex on her popular late-night radio show, Sexually Speaking.

She continued her work on TV with The Dr. Ruth Show, which by 1985 attracted 2 million viewers a week. She also shared her knowledge in dozens of books including Dr. Ruth’s Guide to Good Sex and Sex for Dummies, on the web and in the classroom. She taught at Yale, Princeton and Columbia Universities as well as Hunter College.

Westheimer was a proponent of safe sex who normalized the use of words like "penis," "vagina" and "condom," at a time when few dared use these terms in public settings.

She was also an outspoken supporter of gay and abortion rights, catching fire from conservatives during the Reagan era for her stance.

Phyllis Schlafly criticized Westheimer, along with Gloria Steinem, Anita Hill, Madonna, Ellen DeGeneres and others for promoting “provocative sex chatter” and “rampant immorality" in her 1999 essay "The Dangers of Sex Education."

Catholic firebrand the Rev. Edwin O’Brien was also a Westheimer detractor, labeling the sex therapist's work as upsetting and morally compromised.

With her German-tinged English (The Wall Street Journal once described Westheimer's voice as “a cross between Henry Kissinger and Minnie Mouse") and diminutive stature (she was well under five feet in height) Westheimer approached her work with gusto and a sense of fun. She focused on reminding people that there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to discussing sex. Her cheeky catchphrase was "Get Some!"

"I certainly believe in the need for sexuality education, I do believe that it has to be taught based on scientifically validated data, and it has to be taught with some kind of humor," she told NPR in 2007.

Westheimer's global success and joie de vivre belied a difficult past.

She was born into an orthodox Jewish family as Karola Ruth Siegel in Frankfurt, Germany, in 1928. Her mother was a housekeeper and father a salesman. At 10, her parents sent their only child to Switzerland to escape Kristallnacht, a wave of antisemitic violence perpetrated by the Nazis. Westheimer believed her parents were murdered at Auschwitz, since she never saw them again.

She would keep these early tragedies under wraps for most of her career, only speaking openly about her past in 2019 with the release of the Hulu documentary Ask Dr. Ruth.

"I have changed my mind with this film," she said in an interview with NPR at the time of the movie's release.

After the war ended, she immigrated to Palestine, which was under British control at the time. There she trained as a scout and sniper for Haganah, the Jewish militia. She sustained a serious injury during a mortar attack.

Westheimer moved to Paris two years later, and studied psychology at the Sorbonne, before immigrating to the United States in 1956.

In New York, she worked as a maid while studying for her master's degree in sociology at the New School and went on to earn a Doctorate of Education from Columbia University's Teacher's College.

It was her post-Ph.D. job at Planned Parenthood in Harlem teaching women sex education that led her to study sexuality in a deeper way.

Beyond her work as a sex therapist, Westheimer became a cultural icon. She appeared on late night TV talk shows, co-starred in the 1985 movie comedy One Woman Or Two alongside Gérard Depardieu, appeared on the cover of People magazine, sang on Tom Chapin's This Pretty Planet album, and hosted Playboy videos. She was also the focus of the one-woman play, Becoming Dr. Ruth, and the board game, Dr. Ruth’s Game of Good Sex.

Many public figures took to social media to express their sadness at Westheimer's death.

"Dr. Ruth Westheimer led an extraordinary life," wrote New York Gov. Kathy Hochul on X, remembering Westheimer's role as New York’s first-ever Ambassador to Loneliness. "We worked together to spotlight a mental health crisis impacting our seniors. She was brave, funny, candid and brilliant."

"Sad news," wrote Librarian of Congress Carla Hayden, also on X. "Recently the @librarycongress acquired her papers and we’re hoping this collection will help researchers and raise awareness to the issues her listeners were struggling with."

Singer Pattie Brooks recorded a song as an ode to her, "Dr. Ruth," with a trendy, dance-rock tinged, high pressure beat.

 

In 1987, she began a separate half-hour syndicated series on many broadcast stations called Ask Dr. Ruth, which was co-hosted by Larry Angelo. Westheimer's friend Eleanor Bergstein, the writer of the 1987 romantic drama dance film Dirty Dancing, attempted to cast her to play Mrs. Schumacher in the film (with Joel Grey as her husband).

She appeared on a TV Guide cover in 1988. Dr. Ruth returned to the Lifetime network in 1988 with The All New Dr. Ruth Show. That was followed in 1989 by two teen advice shows called What's Up, Dr. Ruth?, and a call-in show, You're on the Air with Dr. Ruth in 1990. That year she also appeared in an episode of the television series Tall Tales & Legends as the "Mysterious Stranger."

During the 1980s, "Dr. Ruth" became a household name and a major cultural figure; during the 1980s and 1990s, she made frequent guest appearances on several network television shows, including Late Night with David Letterman, and appeared on talk shows on German television. She was portrayed on Saturday Night Live by Mary Gross in "Saturday Night News" four times in 1983, and twice in 1984, and was a guest on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson twice in 1982, once in 1983, three times in 1984, twice in 1985 – in addition to being impersonated in a "Mighty Carson Art Players" sketch, and once in 1986, on Joan Rivers: Can We Talk? twice in 1986, seven times as a panelist on the game show The New Hollywood Squares in 1986–87, on The Arsenio Hall Show once in 1989, on The Joan Rivers Show once in 1989, and on Live with Regis and Kathie Lee in both 1989 and 1990. In 1987, she made a TV commercial for Signal mouthwash.

Westheimer was married three times. It was her third marriage, at age 32 to fellow Holocaust survivor Manfred "Fred" Westheimer, that stuck. Their life together lasted 36 years, until her husband's death in 1997.

Westheimer is survived by two children and four grandchildren.